Wednesday, May 06, 2009

Thoughts on my husband: Part 3

Part 1 and Part 2

In all this learning and growing, there is one area that I have consciously been aware that Shane and I are still two different people with different approaches to problems and circumstances. That is our personalities. I am generally more outgoing than Shane which means I talk more in a group, I can commit to doing something on-the-spot and I usually think most everything sounds fun or interesting. Shane is more reserved in public outings and may contribute to a group discussion but will limit his personal remarks. He likes to be able to think about a suggested activity or event before having to commit and prefers to do things that are easier and less involved. (Note: Kids and babies make everything more involved.)
There are of course exceptions to both our personality descriptions but I generally know how he operates. So because of that, I have become increasingly conscious that I do not cause him to be embarrassed or uncomfortable due to my outgoingness. When I speak up in our small-group study, I try to remember to not say something that Shane would perhaps find awkward. Bottom line is, I care about what he thinks. I also don't want word getting back to him about the antics of his wife that he may find strange or humiliating. But since we are different, I sometimes feel anxious that perhaps that didn't go so well. And I wonder what Shane will think once I tell him. Like two weeks ago when I went to the wedding shower for a friend at church and during the marriage panel that I was part of, ended up tearfully explaining how Shane and I handled the night our daughter with Down Syndrome was born. Oh I dreaded having to tell him that I cried through the whole story as a weepy pregnant mama. But over dinner the next evening, when he asked for more specifics of the panel discussion and I owned up to what had happened with me, he surprised me by being completely understanding. Now I have just made him sound like an ogre, potentially being embarrassed over his wife's public tears, but since Shane is so reserved in public, my crying scene might have been more than he could handle.
So as I now see it, his reservedness helps me to restrain my outgoingness so I can act in a way that is both true to myself yet with control and a desire to please my husband. Of course, one can never tell exactly how being pregnant will factor into the story!
I feel like I have written pages and pages yet I have only scratched the surface of my thoughts concerning my husband and our marriage. For those of you reading who don't know my husband, the picture I have painted may be very incomplete. If you know my husband even a little, much of this will not surprise you. And if you happen to be his mother, then now you know what his wife thinks of him on her good days. :)


  1. Anonymous3:01 PM

    Shane's mother is very encouraged with all the Lord has been doing in her daughter-in-law's heart;I've been such a slow learner in my marriage.

  2. I understand much of what you have said. Not necessarily because I know Shane, but because I know Joel. I believe that when you have a husband who you know is seeking after Christ and you know has your best interest in mind, these things that you do are what follows: ie asking their advice, wondering what they would think about a particular thing, not what to make them look like an idiot because of your actions.


I enjoy reading your comments and try to reply as much as I can. Thanks for reading here.